What is Domestic Abuse?

Anyone can experience domestic abuse regardless of their age, gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, or wealth. Most commonly, domestic abuse is perpetrated by men against women. One in four women experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. Men can also be victims of domestic abuse and it can happen in same-sex relationships. There is no ‘typical victim’ of domestic abuse; it can happen at any time in a person’s life no matter what their background, beliefs, or circumstances are. Domestic abuse is never the fault of the victim.

Learn more

When children live in an environment where domestic abuse happens, this has a very real impact on them. Children and young people experience domestic abuse in a similar way to adult survivors, and even when they are not directly targeted by the abuser, they can still be impacted by the tactics of control and power the abuser uses. For example, isolation of the adult survivor also isolates the child and controlling time and resources of the adult survivor also impacts on the time and resources available to the child. At the most basic level, a parent experiencing domestic abuse is unlikely to be able to function completely as the parent they want to be, because much of their energy is going into placating the abuser.

Young people can also experience domestic abuse in their own relationships. Some research has shown that young people in their first long term relationships can be particularly vulnerable – due to abusers exploiting their inexperience at relationships and lack of confidence in drawing boundaries around behaviours they’re not comfortable with.

More information and support for children and young people

Domestic abuse is the result of the abuser’s desire for power and control. It is a matter of choice for perpetrators and is never the victim’s fault. There is no single cause of domestic abuse. Some people may blame domestic abuse on a variety of factors such as alcohol, drugs, football games, or traumatic childhoods. While these factors may make domestic abuse worse or more likely, they are not the root cause.

We know domestic abuse is a choice the abuser makes because they are able to tailor their behaviours when they’re in public or in private; they are able to control the person they present to others and the person they are at home. The danger with looking for ‘reasons’ or ‘minimisations’ for domestic abuse is that this makes it harder for survivors to understand their experiences as abusive and it makes it harder for professionals to hold abusers accountable.

It is rare for an abuser to change and research shows it’s extremely likely that the abuser will behave this way in all their intimate relationships past, present and future. Domestic abuse often gets worse over time. If an abuser is serious about changing they must fully accept responsibility for their actions and acknowledge that their abusive behaviour is unacceptable. Perpetrators of domestic abuse can seek advice and support from Respect if they need help to stop violent or abusive behaviour. This doesn’t involve anger management, as people often believe – because domestic abuse is about control and power, not anger. Instead, long term interventions are needed to change their thought processes and behaviours.

It might help to talk to someone that you trust, like a friend or family member, or a professional such as your GP or health visitor. Experiencing domestic abuse can often make people feel isolated and ashamed, but it is not your fault. You are not alone and support is available if you ever need it.

You can call Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline any time of day or night, we’re here to listen, support, and help you.

If you are a woman, you can also contact your local Women’s Aid group; you can find the closest group on the Scottish Women’s Aid website:
https://womensaid.scot/find-nearest-wa-group/

Who else can help?